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Aung San Suu Kyi and Megawati

It’s hard not to join the crowd of those furious[1] with the Nobel Peace Prize laureate (1991), Aung San Suu Kyi for what has happened[2] to the Rohingyas[3]. The former political prisoner of 15 years, Suu Kyi is now considered to have power and influence after her party (NLD) won the election in November 2015[4]. However, she has been seen as inadequate in preventing the slaughter of ethnic Rohingya Muslims by Myanmar’s army and Buddhist hardliners[5].

In addition to being the leader of the winning party of the election, she is also the Advisor of the State (State Counselor) and Minister of Foreign Affairs[6]. The counselor is an office that is equivalent to Prime Minister and has a 5-year term[7].  Of course, in a country which has numbers of powerful generals, I think political assessment cannot be naive. Often military members have their own agenda that is not always in line with the civilian Government in power.

President John F Kennedy was feeling overwhelmed with the agenda of his generals at the Pentagon and the CIA in the Cuban missile crisis and the Bay of Pigs invasion (1961) which brought him to the brink of starting a nuclear war with the Soviet Union[8].

Likewise, Suharto and his comrade generals built contacts discreetly with Allied parties in Kuala Lumpur and Singapore[9], when then President Sukarno was in a campaign of ‘Ganyang Malaysia’ (‘crush Malaysia’) in 1963[10].

The judgement of Suu Kyi in the case of the Rohingya should therefore always consider this delicate balance of power within the country, especially as Myanmar has been under the power of a military regime for more than 50 years[11] which also …

[1] Myanmar: Malala calls on Aung San Suu Kyi to condemn ‘shameful’ Rohingya abuses. http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-09-04/malala-calls-on-aung-san-suu-kyi-to-condemn-rohingya-abuses/8871200

[2] Cochrane, Liam (2017). Villagers slaughtered in Myanmar ‘massacre’, reports of women and children among more than 100 dead. http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-09-01/reports-of-women-and-children-among-dead-in-myanmar-massacre/8862164

[3] Tran, Clara (2015). South-East Asian migrant crisis: Who are the Rohingya fleeing Myanmar by boat? http://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-05-21/explainer-who-are-the-rohingya-fleeing-myanmar/6487130

[4] Zin, Min (2016). Burma Votes for Change: The New Configuration of Power. Journal of Democracy, Volume 27, Number 2, April 2016, p.116

[5] Graham-Harisson, Emma (2017). Aung San Suu Kyi: damned by her silence. https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/sep/10/aung-san-suu-kyi-myanmar-rohingya-human-rights

[6] Tun, Khaing (2016). New ministry for state counsellor raises alarming questions. https://www.mmtimes.com/opinion/20210-new-ministry-for-state-counsellor-raises-alarming-questions.html

[7] Myanmar’s Aung San Suu Kyi to be given new ‘PM-like’ role. http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-35928524

[8] Gopalan, Karthik (2010). Kennedy and the Cuban Missile Crisis. https://www.foreignpolicyjournal.com/2010/08/16/kennedy-and-the-cuban-missile-crisis/view-all/

[9] Wanandi, Jusuf (2012). Shades of Grey: A Political Memoir of Modern Indonesia 1965-1998. Equinox Publishing. pp.66-71

[10] Yakoop, Mohd Rizal (2010). The Indonesian Confrontation: Political and Military Magnitudes.pp.2-3,16 https://ssrn.com/abstract=1690607 or http://dx.doi.org/10.2139/ssrn.1690607

[11] Myanmar’s 2015 landmark elections explained. http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-33547036

… has a record of killing civilians[1].  For example, the bloody 8888 uprising in which 3000 – 10000 people died[2]. (The number of 8888 is taken from the date of the event, August 8th 1988, while the resistance movement also has the other “magic number” of 7777 from the series of protests started on July 7th 1977).

Nevertheless, it seems that Suu Kyi did not push back in the same way that Kennedy did when he felt he was being harassed by the hardline generals. Instead, there is an impression that Suu Kyi was part of it. She always mentions that the case of the Rohingya is violence between ethnic groups which also occurs in other ethnic groups, such as Karen[3].

The disappointment in Suu Kyi was further evident when in May 2017 the Myanmar Government refused and denied UN reports of what was happening to the Rohingya in Rakhine State[4]. Furthermore, in June 2017 the Myanmar Government shut down access to U.N. investigators[5].

In 2013 Suu Kyi even made a comment that is considered racist when being interviewed by the BBC reporter, Mishal Husain, when she bombarded her with questions about the Rohingya case:

“No-one told me I was going to be interviewed by a Muslim”, she said in the biography written by Peter Popham[6].

Moreover, there is an excerpt of Suu Kyi’s interview which showed her determination to accumulate power after she won the election:

“Above the president, I will make all the decisions because I am the leader of the winning party.”[7]

Everyone knows that The context of the statement was an affirmation of Suu Kyi that although the military group challenged her with the constitution that made her unable …

[1] International Human Rights Clinic – Harvard Law School (2014). POLICY MEMORANDUM: Preventing Indiscriminate Attacks and Wilful Killings of Civilians by the Myanmar Military, pp.6, 13-15.  http://www.burmalibrary.org/docs17/2014.03.24-IHRC-Military-Policy-Memorandum.pdf

[2] Tasneem, Jamal (2012). Burma-Myanmar (1988 – first combat deaths). http://ploughshares.ca/pl_armedconflict/burma-myanmar-1988-first-combat-deaths/

[3] Aung San Suu Kyi Denies Ethic Cleansing in Myanmar despite UN Report into Mass Killings of Rohingya Muslims. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/04/06/aung-san-suu-kyi-myanmar-leader-says-no-ethnic-cleansing-rohingya/ see also Aung San Suu Kyi Hosts Ethnic Tribes in Myanmar. http://www.aljazeera.com/news/2016/08/myanmar-holds-landmark-ethnic-peace-talks-160831051937031.html 

[4] Quadir, Serajul and Lewis, Simon (2017). Myanmar Officials ‘in denial’ over UN Report on Crimes against Rohingya. http://uk.reuters.com/article/uk-myanmar-rohingya-bangladesh/myanmar-officials-in-denial-over-u-n-report-on-crimes-against-rohingya-idUKKBN15L1TA 

[5] Myanmar refuses visas to UN team investigating abuse of Rohingya Muslims. https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/jun/30/myanmar-refuses-visas-un-abuse-rohingya-muslims

[6] Popham, Peter (2016). The Lady And The Generals: Aung San Suu Kyi And Burma’s Struggle For Freedom, see the news regarding this in Aung San Suu Kyi made angry ‘Muslim’ comment after tense exchange with BBC presenter Mishal Husain, it is claimed. http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/aung-san-suu-kyi-reportedly-said-no-one-told-me-i-was-going-to-be-interviewed-by-a-muslim-after-a6951941.html and ‘No-one told me I was going to be interviewed by a Muslim’: Moment Burma democracy heroine Suu Kyi lost her cool with BBC’s Mishal Husain after being quizzed over violence towards Muslim minority. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3508710/Moment-Burma-heroine-lost-cool-Today-s-Mishal-Suu-Kyi-s-anger-no-one-told-going-interviewed-Muslim-heated-questioning-BBC.html#ixzz4sX5jfsGE

[7] Suu Kyi (2015). Aung San Suu Kyi vows to make all the decisions in Myanmar’s new government – as it happened. https://www.theguardian.com/world/live/2015/nov/10/myanmar-election-aung-san-suu-kyi-nld-historic-win-live

… to be a President because both her children hold a British passport[1], she considers herself more powerful than the President[2].

Thus, how does this have anything to do with Megawati?

In a different context and detail, we Indonesians also have experienced a situation where the icon of the democratic fight, who was once repressed by the New Order (and met its peak in the event of 27 July 1996), was not reliable and did not fulfil their promise of being a non-violent problem-solving agent.

Even though she won the election in June 1999 with 33 about 34 percent of the vote[3], the Chairperson of the PDI-P, Megawati Sukarnoputri was aware that it did not automatically make her president since at that moment the president was still elected by the People’s Consultative Assembly[4].

Then in her victory speech in Lenteng Agung, July 29, 1999, she continued her campaign and burst into tears[5]:

“For the people of Aceh, if I am trusted to lead the country, believe me, Cut Nyak will not allow a single drop of blood hits the land of Rencong, which has great merit in promising the independence of Indonesia. For you all, I will give my love. I will give the outcome of your Arun so that the people can enjoy how beautiful Porch of Mecca is if built with love and responsibility for our fellow citizens of Indonesia.”

Not only addressing the Acehnese, who had experienced the bloody operation under the code name of ‘Red Net’ from 1988 to 1998, Megawati also had some words for Papua:

“This is also what I am going to do to my brothers and sisters in Irian Jaya and beloved Ambon. The coming of the victory day is not far away, brothers and sisters.”

But we all know what has happened later, as been written in our history. After she replaced Abdurrahman Wahid, who took the road of peace and cultural diplomacy in handling Aceh[6], President Megawati sent 40,000 soldiers to Aceh on 19 May 2003 …

[1] Zin, Min (2016). Burma Votes for Change: The New Configuration of Power. Journal of Democracy, Volume 27, Number 2, April 2016, p.117 and see Profile: Aung San Suu Kyi http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-pacific-11685977

[2] See Aung San Suu Kyi says if her party wins, she’ll be more powerful than Myanmar’s president. https://www.pri.org/stories/2015-11-05/aung-san-suu-kyi-says-she-ll-be-more-powerful-burmas-president and Bradtke, Molly (2016). Aung San Suu Kyi’s ‘Powerful Position’ After Myanmar’s Elections. http://asiasociety.org/blog/asia/aung-san-suu-kyis-powerful-position-after-myanmars-elections

[3] Thompson, Eric (1999). Indonesia in Transition: The 1999 Presidential Elections. Policy Report No.9/1999. The National Bureau of Asian Research. p.2. http://www.nbr.org/publications/briefing/pdf/brief9.pdf

[4] Naharuddin, A. and Seniwati (2015). Elections in Indonesia After the Fall of Soeharto. Proceedings of 3rd IASTEM International Conference, Singapore, 6 th November 2015, ISBN: 978-93-85832-32-1. p.33. http://www.worldresearchlibrary.org/up_proc/pdf/98-144828070832-35.pdf

[5] Shubert, Atika (1999). Megawati Calls for Indonesian Government to Step Aside. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/inatl/longterm/indonesia/stories/megawati073099.htm

For the video of the mentioned speech please visit https://youtu.be/QfJ_S54JxMU started from 03:00

[6] Aspinall, Edward (2010). Soeharto’s New Order and its Legacy: Essays in honour of Harold Crouch

8 Semi-Opponents in Power: The  Abdurrahman Wahid and Megawati Soekarnoputri Presidencies.

http://press-files.anu.edu.au/downloads/press/p687/html/ch08.xhtml?referer=415&page=15

… and announced the status of martial law[1], which spilt much more than one single drop of blood there.

It was most likely that she followed the rhythm of the drum played by the generals and the diplomats who tailored the war in Aceh by leaving series of international negotiations deadlocked[2], even captured the Aceh Movement Organisation’s negotiator, which reminded me precisely like Dutch General De Kock did when he caught Diponegoro during the negotiation process in the Java war during colonial times[3].

As a producer in Liputan6 SCTV at that moment, the footage of Megawati’s speech in Lenteng Agung on 29 July 1999 was the one that I looked for when I made a review of the martial law in Aceh.

According to the digital catalogue, the recording was in one of Betacam cassettes in the library.  I sought for it in racks of tapes, and yet I could not find it.  The librarian was also confused because that tape was not on the lending list. I insisted the tape be found immediately.

Some senior journalists then tipped me off that the tapes contain sensitive material has always ended up ‘missing’ in Indonesian televisions’ libraries, let alone the recording of the speech of a politician who becomes president.  Hearing that, the librarians and I became even more active in looking for it.  We looked in every corner of the library and the editing room, with faith that it was most unlikely the tape was smuggled out as the Martial Law was announced early in the morning and I only mentioned about the tape in the afternoon editorial meeting.

After hours of seeking, finally, the tape was found on the top of a shelf. We could only see the tape after the librarian climbed up a chair. There were no other tapes in there, only that tape.  When we played it back, it was exactly in Megawati’s speech section. (One tape lasts up to 90 minutes, usually consists of a variety of events).

Luckily, someone uploaded that historic speech to Youtube, although it is incomplete.  The speech about Aceh can be viewed from minute 03:00[4].

Arun gas field sharing, which she mentioned, was only included in the Aceh Government Law after the Helsinki peace talks[5], August 2005, and even these negotiations were forced by the tsunami, and not based on political will[6].

[1] see Bowen, John (2005). After the Flood: Islamic Volunteers, with help from the U.S., Can Rebuild Aceh. https://source.wustl.edu/2005/02/aceh-province-can-rebuild-but-united-states-needs-to-assist-volunteer-groups-says-indonesian-expert/ and Moore, Matthew (2003). Megawati Calls for a Quick End to Aceh Fighting. http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2003/10/06/1065292525505.html

[2] Aspinall, Edward and Crouch, Harold (2003). The Aceh Peace Process: Why It Failed. Policy Studies No.1, pp.43-50. East-West Center, Washington DC. https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/de2a/f21093a1bb2e0d4248c692c92a6fb5423cb9.pdf

[3] MEMORY OF THE WORLD REGISTER: Babad Diponegoro or Autobiographical Chronicle of Prince Diponegoro (1785-1855). A Javanese nobleman, Indonesian national hero and pan-Islamist, p.2.  http://www.unesco.org/fileadmin/MULTIMEDIA/HQ/CI/CI/pdf/mow/indonesia_netherlands_babad_diponegoro.pdf

[4] For the video of the mentioned speech please visit https://youtu.be/QfJ_S54JxMU started from 03:00

[5] See the Memorandum of Understanding between the Government of the Republic of Indonesia and the Free Aceh Movement, article 1.3.4.  https://www.consilium.europa.eu/uedocs/cmsUpload/MoU_Aceh.pdf

[6] Aspinall, Edward (2005). Aceh/Indonesia Conflict Analysis and Options for Systemic Conflict Transformation. Berghof Foundation for Peace Support, pp.6-7. http://www.berghof-foundation.org/fileadmin/redaktion/Publications/Other_Resources/SCT_Aceh_Conflict_Analysis_and_Systemic_CT.pdf

 

As for Papua, Gus Dur, who has never campaigned for president or weeps in front of cameras, in fact, implemented humanitarian diplomacy in Papua. The Morning Star flag could be raised as a cultural symbol[1], and he permitted the Papuans to hold the Papuan People’s Congress[2].

But when replaced by Megawati, the approach to Papua suddenly changed. The generals who complained during the time of Gus Dur were again given an opportunity to discharge their libido of “nationalism and patriotism”.

In November 2001, during Megawati’s presidency, a political murder of Theys Hiyo Eluay happened[3].  Theys was the leader of the transformation in Papua, from physical resistance to political diplomacy[4].

[1] Firman, Tony (2016). Bintang Kejora dari Tanah Papua. https://tirto.id/bintang-kejora-dari-tanah-papua-b6cM

[2] Siswowiharjo, Tri (2015). Belajar Dari Jokowi, Gus Dur dan Papua. http://www.dw.com/id/belajar-dari-jokowi-gus-dur-dan-papua/a-18949394

[3] Hedman, Eva-Lotta, ed. (2007). Dynamics of Conflict and Displacement in Papua, Indonesia: A collection of papers developed in conjunction with a one-day workshop held on the 26th October 2006 at St. Antony’s College, Oxford, Refugee Studies Centre, The University of Oxford, pp.8-9 http://www.conflictrecovery.org/bin/RSC_WP42_sep07-Dynamics_of_Conflict_and_Displacement_in_Papua_Indonesia.pdf

[4] Sucahyo, Nurhadi (2015). Papua dan 14 Tahun Pembunuhan Theys Eluay. https://www.voaindonesia.com/a/papua-dan-14-tahun-pembunuhan-theys-eluay/3052962.html

Thus, until now, the so-called “the coming of the victory day is not far away” has the shape of a massive capture that has never happened before in history.

Right after Megawati’s party returned to power through PDIP’s victory and the election of President Joko Widodo whom she called “party officers”  (as Suu Kyi asserted her power), the number of arrests of citizens in Papua rocketed to 1,083 people, higher than the number arrested by President SBY (2013).

Even according to the records of LBH Jakarta and Tapol, between April and June 2016 alone, there were 4,198 Papuans arrested in various places in Indonesia for expressing their political aspirations.

[1] See the Memorandum of Understanding between the Government of the Republic of Indonesia and the Free Aceh Movement, article 1.3.4.  https://www.consilium.europa.eu/uedocs/cmsUpload/MoU_Aceh.pdf

[1] Aspinall, Edward (2005). Aceh/Indonesia Conflict Analysis and Options for Systemic Conflict Transformation. Berghof Foundation for Peace Support, pp.6-7. http://www.berghof-foundation.org/fileadmin/redaktion/Publications/Other_Resources/SCT_Aceh_Conflict_Analysis_and_Systemic_CT.pdf

[1] Firman, Tony (2016). Bintang Kejora dari Tanah Papua. https://tirto.id/bintang-kejora-dari-tanah-papua-b6cM

[1] Siswowiharjo, Tri (2015). Belajar Dari Jokowi, Gus Dur dan Papua. http://www.dw.com/id/belajar-dari-jokowi-gus-dur-dan-papua/a-18949394

[1] Hedman, Eva-Lotta, ed. (2007). Dynamics of Conflict and Displacement in Papua, Indonesia: A collection of papers developed in conjunction with a one-day workshop held on the 26th October 2006 at St. Antony’s College, Oxford, Refugee Studies Centre, The University of Oxford, pp.8-9 http://www.conflictrecovery.org/bin/RSC_WP42_sep07-Dynamics_of_Conflict_and_Displacement_in_Papua_Indonesia.pdf

[1] Sucahyo, Nurhadi (2015). Papua dan 14 Tahun Pembunuhan Theys Eluay. https://www.voaindonesia.com/a/papua-dan-14-tahun-pembunuhan-theys-eluay/3052962.html

[1] For the video please visit https://youtu.be/crkbOYj8BXg  started from 07:35 to 08:18, also see Rachman, Anita and Otto, Ben (2015). Mega’s Message to Jokowi: I’m the Boss. https://blogs.wsj.com/indonesiarealtime/2015/04/11/megas-message-to-jokowi-im-the-boss/

Please check Human Rights In West Papua 2017. Human Rights and Peace for Papua – The International Coalition for Papua (ICP).

[1] Please check Human Rights In West Papua 2017. Human Rights and Peace for Papua – The International Coalition for Papua (ICP).

Dandhy Dwi Laksono, documentarian, co-founder acehkita.com

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Posted by on September 16, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

Kalau Saya Dandhy Laksono

Enggak, Dan. Tulisan ini nggak berisi puja-puji buatmu, atau testimoni sepak terjangmu.  Sama sekali bukan. Untuk itu biarlah kawan-kawan lain yang menulisnya.  Saya hanya mau berandai-andai saja.  Kalau saya jadi kamu, ada banyak hal yang akan saya lakukan selain diet, tentu saja 😉  Tetapi terkait tulisan Aung San Suu Kyi dan Megawati yang bikin heboh itu, ada setidaknya 2 hal yang pasti akan saya lakukan:

  1. Menulisnya dalam Bahasa Inggris.  Iyalah, supaya pembacanya lebih banyak. Kamu sudah beberapa puluh tahun menulis, mbok ya sekali-sekali nulis dalam Bahasa Inggris…
  2. Selain membuatnya dalam versi Bahasa Inggris, mungkin ada baiknya mencantumkan semua sumber yang menjadi dasar tulisan itu.  Ya, dibuat format tulisan-tulisan ilmiah gitu loh, maksudnya. Biar orang lain paham kalau yang kamu tulis bukan omong kosong sambil seruput kopi.  Well, iya iya, ini cuma untuk Facebook post dan masuk ke kategori opini atau analisis, tapi ya bikinlah yang model ini sekalian. Siapa tahu malah bisa dimuat di The Conversation atau di New Mandala.

Dan beberapa hari belakangan, andai-andai itu menghantui saya sampai akhirnya saya memutuskan untuk mewujudkan andai-andai itu. Sambil hitung-hitung fact check, siapa tahu ada data yang meleset.

Jadi kira-kira, ini hasil tulisan ‘kalau saya Dandhy Laksono’.  Ada beberapa koreksi data, ada modifikasi kata/kalimat, yang ditandai dengan garis bawah dalam tulisan tersebut.  Tadinya saya berniat memosting tulisan aslinya supaya bisa diikuti setiap sumber yang ada.  Tapi apa daya, gaptek, gagal terus.  Jika ada yang berminat membaca file aslinya (bukan hasil print out yang discan), boleh japri.

Udah, gitu aja.  Nanti dilanjutkan berandai-andai yang lain lagi.

Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on September 14, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

I need to be in love

The hardest thing I’ve ever done is keep believing
There’s someone in this crazy world for me
The way that people come and go through temporary lives
My chance could come and I might never know

I used to say “No promises, let’s keep it simple”
But freedom only helps you say goodbye
It took a while for me to learn that nothing comes for free
The price I paid is high enough for me

I know I need to be in love
I know I’ve wasted too much time
I know I ask perfection of a quite imperfect world

And fool enough to think that’s what I’ll find

So here I am with pockets full of good intentions
But none of them will comfort me tonight
I’m wide awake at 4 a.m. without a friend in sight
I’m hanging on a hope but I’m all right

~ The Carpenters, Dami Im

 
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Posted by on May 27, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

It’s 37

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I’m wiser now
I’m not the foolish girl you used to know so long ago
I’m stronger now
I’ve learned from my mistakes which way to go

And I should know
I put myself aside to do it in your way
But now I need to do it all alone

And I am not afraid to try it on my own
I don’t care if I’m right or wrong
I’ll live my life the way I feel no matter what I’ll keep it real
You know
Time for me to do it on my own

I can’t go back to living through your eyes
And if you don’t know by now
I can’t go back to being someone else
Not anymore
I never had the chance to do things my way
So now it’s time for me to take control

And I am not afraid to try it on my own
I don’t care if I’m right or wrong
I’ll live my life the way I feel no matter what I’m gonna keep it real
You know
Time for me to do it on my own

Oh, I start again go back to one
I’m running things in my way
Can’t stop me now I’ve just begun
Don’t even think about
It there aint no way about it
I’m taking names go down the line
Yes I’m gonna take my turn
It’s time for me to Finally stand alone
Stand alone

I am not afraid to try it on my own
I don’t care if I’m right or wrong
I’ll live my life the way I feel no matter what I’m gonna keep it real
You know
It’s time for me to do it

(Try it on my own ~ Whitney Houston)

Melbourne, April 21st 2016 – My 37th Birthday 🙂 – Sketch by Teddy Penelewen

 

 
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Posted by on April 24, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

pernah?

Pernah nggak merasa kecil, nggak banyak berarti, bahkan mungkin membawa sial?  Bahwa ketika kamu ada, semua yang terbaik sudah kamu lakukan, tapi semuanya terlihat nggak mengubah keadaan dan nyaris sia-sia, dan ketika kamu nggak ada, keadaan langsung menjadi jauh lebih baik dan semua langkah terarah dan peluang serta masa depan menjadi cerah.

Pernah?

 

 
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Posted by on March 8, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Mengosongkan Gelas (lagi) ?

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Ini adalah hari ketujuh sejak saya pertama kali menapakkan kaki di Australia, tepatnya di kota Melbourne.  Belum pernah memang sebelumnya rencana ke Australia ini saya tuangkan ke dalam blog.  Terakhir di awal Desember tahun lalu, saya hanya sempat menuliskan kegentaran saya menghadapi 2016, tanpa detil.

Jujur, salah satu kegentaran menghadapi 2016 adalah terbang lagi ke negeri orang sendirian, mengosongkan lagi gelas saya, dan mengisinya dengan pengalaman baru dan ilmu baru.  Menjadi mahasiswi doktoral di Universitas sekelas the University of Melbourne sebelumnya tidak pernah terpikirkan oleh saya.  Setidaknya nggak secepat ini.

Maka rasanya seperti bangun dari mimpi saat melangkah memasuki airport Soekarno-Hatta Jakarta 7 hari yang lalu.  Dan sama halnya dengan reaksi orang yang baru terbangun dari mimpi, sesaat mungkin kita akan senyum (jika mimpinya indah) atau menangis (jika mimpinya buruk), tetapi kemudian harus segera beradaptasi dengan kenyataan.

Kenyataan dan kegentaran yang saya hadapi kali ini ternyata nggak seperti saat mengosongkan gelas saya sebelumnya.  Iya sih, kendala bahasa, keraguan atas kemampuan diri saya, dan setumpuk ragu itu ada.  Tapi bukan itu sekarang masalahnya.  Bagi saya kini, bukan cuma mengosongkan dan mengisi gelas.  Ini juga soal gelasnya. Selama ini saya abai melihat gelas saya.  Masih baguskah? Ada retak yang harus diperbaikikah? Apakah cukup menampung air yang akan dituang? Tahan panas?

Mungkin ini saatnya saya mengganti gelas saya.

 
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Posted by on March 2, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Desember

2015-03-13 20.54.14

Hanya satu kata, tapi mampu membuat saya “terbangun”. Desember.  Kata yang menjadi penanda bahwa saya sudah berada di pengujung tahun 2015.  Saatnya untuk diam sebentar menengok ke belakang, apa yang sudah saya kerjakan dan sudah saya lalui 11 bulan terakhir ini.

Dan selalu seperti sebuah siklus yang pasti akan berulang, tahun yang “ganjil” selalu menghadirkan banyak “kejutan”.  Tahun yang keras, lebih banyak menguras energi, menguji kekuatan, mencoba batas kesabaran, tetapi sekaligus mengantarkan saya kepada serangkaian perenungan yang membuat saya menemukan sisi lain diri saya. Tetapi bila semuanya tercampur rata, dihasilkan dasar yang kuat untuk melalui tahun baru yang sudah ada di depan mata.

Tahun yang genap selalu menjadi tahun petualangan, tahun eksperimen, tahun eksplorasi, tahun yang penuh peluang, di mana kekuatan hati untuk mengambil risiko dan berpikir cepat  diuji.  Tahun yang biasanya lebih sarat sanjungan yang melambungkan dibanding air mata yang menyesakkan. Toh di tahun genaplah kewaspadaan harus dua kali lipat ditingkatkan, karena sekali saya tergelincir oleh pujaan, semuanya bisa berantakan.

Melihat kembali apa yang telah saya lalui di 2015 sampai awal Desember ini, saya hanya bisa bersyukur.  Banyak lebam dan tangis yang saya lalui pada tahun ini dibanding tahun-tahun sebelumnya. Lukanya pun jauh lebih dalam dan membekas.  Tapi tak mengapa.  Bekas luka itulah yang nantinya akan mengingatkan saya saat saya hendak melangkah atau mengambil keputusan.

Kini saya hanya harus menghabiskan Desember dengan segala keberanian yang saya miliki.  Jujur, masih ada ragu untuk melangkah dan menuntaskan semua rencana yang telah saya susun dan persiapkan.  Tak jarang jika saya bayangkan semua rencana yang akan saya jalankan di 2016, hati ini masih juga gentar.  Tuhan, siapkan saya agar pada waktunya nanti, saya sudah benar-benar siap menyambut berkatmu yang baru.

 
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Posted by on December 1, 2015 in Uncategorized